Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Prayer & Regret

I am going to try to combine two topics and MAYBE link them together :)

I saw someone's status on September 11, 2011 (this year, obviously) that said something to the affect of "Just because it's September 11th doesn't mean all of the commercials today need to try to make me cry"...and I am not trying to make anyone have any emotions that they don't want to have. That being said, I wanted to "Remember September 11th" a little (even though I am a few days late). 

I started Sunday at my in-laws house. We stayed there because Grant was out of town and we are sitting down for breakfast with Maks and there are all of these "September 11th Specials" going on and I am bawling within 5 minutes. Not every September 11th effects me like this, but for some reason this 10th anniversary was different for me. I have read two of Karen Kingsbury's books about 9/11: "One Tuesday Morning" & "Beyond Tuesday Morning" (what the combined book looks like is the picture below) and I believe there is one more after that, but I just read these two:
And, I know the books were fiction, but it helped to understand what it would be like from the perspective of friends and family of 9/11 victims...and maybe that's why I was more affected this year. But, Debbie (MIL) actually turned the channel to cartoons...probably because she thought I might scare Maks with my wailing. But, this year, it really did affect me differently. 

Grant had posted where he was on 9/11/01:

"Where were you ten years ago today? I was in typing class and a crying teacher turned on the tv as the towers fell" 

And, you know. I am actually embarrassed of where I was when the towers fell...Well, not actually embarrassed at the location of where I was but my reaction. I was in my Home Ec class (not sure of the name and not going to share the teachers name) and I remember that we were watching it and the second tower hadn't been hit yet and then we saw the second tower hit and my teacher did something I thought was so brave. She could have literally lost her job (I went to a very public school if there is such a thing as a VERY public school, ha!), but I remember her saying: "If there are any Christians in the room that want to pray, feel free to come up to my desk and we will be praying for what is going on right now". 

And, I didn't. 

I remember it with regret because I did not stand up for Jesus that day. Now, I did bow my head at my desk and pray and pray and pray, but I didn't have the guts to go up to the front of the class and bow at my teachers desk. It was my teacher and one other girl. To this day, I can remember their faces and I was so scared of my peers rejection that I couldn't even stand up for the Jesus that I believed in. And, everyone KNEW I was a Christian. 

That's how I remember September 11th. And, maybe that's why I was so broken this 10th anniversary. Because of how I have matured in Christ and remembering how wimpy Angela in high school couldn't even do something as simple as pray in front of the class. And, I have done other things to stand out as a Christian like "See You at The Pole" and my classmates knew me as someone who went to Bellevue regularly, but for some reason, that day, I was frozen in fear. 

I just want to slap High School Angela. Geez. Can't think about it anymore. 

I read my devo today about Jesus throwing out everyone who had set up shop in the Temple. 

Matthew 21: 12-14: "...My house was designated a house of prayer; You have made it a hangout for thieves." 

The devotional says to imagine that you are there when Jesus comes in the temple and cleanses it. Who are you? Where are you? What are the expressions on the faces around you? Now let the blind and crippled come into your view. Watch Jesus healing them. Listen to the voices of the children as they play and shout, "Hosanna!" What's your reaction to them? To Jesus' interaction with the disabled? To the indignation of the religious leaders? Then it tells us to imagine Jesus walking out of the city and up to you and initiating a conversation with you about the events of the day. What would you tell him. 

I hope that high school Angela and Momma Angela would be excited about what Jesus did and not one of the ones embarrassed at what he did. I could throw up thinking about High School Angela on September 11th. The good thing about Jesus is his forgiveness and mercies are new each morning. Thank God. Literally. 

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Ok, moving on to my "prayer" topic. 

Ha. I can imagine some of you thinking..."Ok, where in the WORLD is she going with this". Good thought :)

So, I went to see the movie BEFORE reading the book. So uncool, I know. But, as I was reading the book, it came to a part about prayer. I am not copyrighting this next part. I give full credit to the author, Kathryn Stockett for writing "The Help: a novel". Hope this covers my behind. Here is a little of what I read (if you don't know anything about the book or movie, the book is written from the position of "The Help" ...and for the first 23 pages of what I have read, it is Aibileen, one of the Help, writing:

"...The thing is though, if I start praying for Miss Skeeter, I know that conversation gone continue the next time I see her. And the next and the next. Cause that's the way prayer do. It's like electricity, it keeps things going...

'Minny', I say last Sunday, 'why Bertrina ask me to pray for her?' We walking home from the one o'clock service. Minny say, 'Rumor is you got some kind a power prayer, gets better results than just the regular variety.'....

'Eudora Green, when she broke her hip, went on your list, up walking in a week. Isaiah fell of the cotton truck, on your prayer list that night, back to work the next day.' 

'But that ain't me,' I say. 'That's just prayer.'

Then there was a VERY hilarious part here that I can't put on my blog...but it was sure funny!!!! Moving on...

Her friend, Minny, finishes up the conversation saying:

'...They just think you got a better connection than most. We all on a party line to God, but you, you setting right in his ear.' 

I want that to be said of me. That people can turn to me to pray for them and they know I am going to pray and that I will pray enough and not stop until it gets answered. 

Oh, Aibileen and Minny. Worth reading. Not really Christian driven but as I learned a while back:
1. Pray without ceasing
2. Find God in everything. Your Christianity should be your life, not something that you do a couple times a day. Being a follower of Christ IS your identity....So, there. You can find God in "The Help"...and everything else. 

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